My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
