I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
