Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
