god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
