grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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