If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
