It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
