I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
