By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
