There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
