Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im holly from the hills drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
