walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
