my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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