We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
