Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
