Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
