just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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