office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
