I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
