Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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