when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
