i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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