i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
