We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
