Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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