I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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