I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
