Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No subtext here. People are naked.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
