So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
