I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your penis caused this!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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