paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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