Your tits are I can't wait for
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
