Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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