Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm always down for nudity.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
