she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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