you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
