did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
