this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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