I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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