He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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