I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
