he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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