So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
one two three fourrrrnication!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
