Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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