she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I deserve this hangover.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Two words: nipple clamps
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