what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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