I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh god the rape fog is back!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
