Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
