apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
