Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just want nice things and good sex
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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